Rainy days

25 Nov

Every once in awhile, I have a crisis of faith, of wondering what am I doing, being on permanent vacation (is that really what I am doing — being on vacation for 9 months?!)?  What am I doing – but going from coffee shop to restaurant to reading my books to eating food?  To not having a purpose?  To just sight-seeing day after day?

Today is one of those days…

It is raining today.  which makes it harder to figure out what to do.  Do I sit in my room and read?  Do I try and go to a festival that is at a temple somewhere near-ish?  Do I just keep eating and spending money as I wander from place to place?

I like having purpose (for evidence, see the past five years of my life) — and sometimes I just am not sure what my purpose is right now…  as you might imagine, I am not one of those people who are really good at just sitting on the beach!  So, maybe that is my purpose – to learn to just sit.  To be here, without a purpose and wait for that purpose to come to me.  Or for me to find it.  Or to figure out that purpose can mean lots of different things — that it is not all about goals and checkpoints.

But, please, don’t get me wrong — in the grand scheme of things – i feel tremendously blessed and lucky to be here — to witness the world and expand my horizons.  But, sometimes when I get caught up in the details of every day life and miss the comfort of home and friends – it is those moments that i wonder what i am doing out here.

Or maybe it was just all the pictures and stories of turkey and thanksgiving food all over facebook that did me in….

I am trying to figure out if I should head out of Kochi, or if I should stay another day and go to the festival, or if I should go elsewhere in Kerala, or if I should go to Hampi, or if I should….  you see the problem?  There are so many options… how do I pick the best one?  or to not be paralyzed by the multitude of options and just do nothing?

I guess I will go drink a cup of chai and try and figure it all out.  or maybe just read my book.

be well friends.  thanks for being part of my pupose — to be able to share my thoughts and observations with you all.

hope you can avoid black friday!  🙂  i am doing my part and just shopping locally.

12 Responses to “Rainy days”

  1. Carol Kushner November 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

    I think what you’re doing is storing up memories to last a lifetime.

    Happy trails, dear daughter!

  2. Sue Tatem November 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    Ahhhh that made me laugh! I can see you just wondering what to do and it being so hard to sit and read. It’s a very tough lesson to learn and it took me a long long time. I want you to know that you are well and truly missed by the gang here at Mount Snow…..every single day your name comes up and everyone misses your talent, skill, smile and laugh.

    I am thankful that you came into my life and have taught me so many things….not all of them on the snow 🙂 Be well and I am thankful that you get to follow this dream of yours.
    We miss you!!!!! ❤ Sue

    • planetaurora November 26, 2011 at 5:25 am #

      thanks sue! I appreciate your message!
      I miss you all at Mount Snow too!!! Hope it is going well….
      I am so going to be ready to ski after a year away!

  3. Sarah A November 25, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    These meanderings and wonderings are all part of the journey. Questioning your purpose and bringing more awareness to your decisions on how to spend each day are all part of the process. Enjoy.

  4. lise krieger November 25, 2011 at 10:15 pm #

    Soak up every moment — even the ones you are not sure about. And by the way — if you do want to call it a year-long vacation, that’s ok. You’ve worked your butt off for the last five years. You deserve it.

    • planetaurora November 26, 2011 at 4:58 am #

      thanks lise!
      it feels strange calling it a year long vacation….
      it seems so…. decadent!

  5. Matt Soycher November 28, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    Maybe the purpose is to pick one option and thoroughly dedicate yourself to it with all your heart and soul. Make it the best option. You’ll never kno what the other options may or may not have held, but you get to discover how amazing the option you did pick can be!! Then again, that’s just one option! Happy travels A!

    • planetaurora November 28, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

      Thanks Matt – that is good advice!
      Instead of me trying to do it all…. Which is sometimes how I roll

  6. Cassie November 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm #

    For another rainy day…& to help put those little decisions that really don’t matter into the context of the larger you:
    A Circle of Death on Planet Aurora

    You help me feel emotionally comfortable here
    Great running partner
    You take and seek constructive criticism like no one else, I want to emulate you, ditto
    I appreciate your commitment to here, students, and friendships
    1. commitment to philosophy, you get it and you do it
    2. emotional support
    I love that you love the kids – even when you loathe them
    Helping those trying to find a place
    Hard work. Honesty. Blunt objectivity. Call em like you see em. You get it and you’re kickin ass!
    Commitment and energy
    I like living on Planet Aurora
    So enjoy our conversations about the kids. Your commitment. Love
    Your ability to see the good in every kid, I love you for that
    Your honesty and vulnerability. Strong and willing to say what’s hard. Our hearty laughs
    Making a comment & watching you burst into laughter. Your resilience. Taking every day so seriously. Starting again fresh.
    This is more than a job for you it is a lifestyle. Energy. You helpe inspire me to work-out in the a.m.
    I admire you for choosing this. Bio is your thing. I think this is the right place after so many places for the kids & for the adults.
    Your honesty helps me understand where I am and where I’m going. Your observations help me frame my questions.

    • planetaurora November 29, 2011 at 4:55 am #

      Wow…. Thanks for that I had forgotten about that circle of death It brings a smile to my face and I can picture the room and the love Thanks Hope you are well

      Sent from my iPod

  7. Kim December 14, 2011 at 2:46 am #

    I know I am late reading this post and that you have moved on (physically and emotionally, I’m sure) but I think that the purpose of traveling is to learn about the world. You will come into contact with so many people that will never have the ability to travel as you have had (you are a teacher, after all!) and through your stories you will be able to teach them about the world. And the more that people understand how they are connected with the rest of the world, the better the world will be.


  1. 8 months in review…. « planetaurora - May 13, 2012

    […] were definitely times in the fall when I had a crisis of faith – what am I doing here?  What am I doing with my life?!  I remember one day in particular.  It […]

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